what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
