mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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