When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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