Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
