but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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