We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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