im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
