there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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