I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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