I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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