good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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