is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
