fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
