Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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