Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
