i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize