we have officially lost it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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