I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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