i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
