I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
