It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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