The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
