You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
