So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
