As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize