MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
