So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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