I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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