You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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