I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
