i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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