When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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