Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
