he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
