watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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