I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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