my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
