You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
