Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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