I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
