I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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