JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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