May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What a dumb baby whore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
