I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
