Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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