Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
