So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
