I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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