and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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