obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
