never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
