did you get engaged???
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
