It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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