don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
