I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize