worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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