Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
