i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
