dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize