He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
