He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
