I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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