i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
