These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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