ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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