I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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