i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Operation Purity has been aborted
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
