is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
