Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
