dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
