No more Irish car bombs ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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