I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
